Dear
friends and family,
This is
going to be a LONG post, so please don’t feel as if you have to read it all. Really, I’m writing it for myself as I need
to have all of these thoughts out in the open where I can organize them a
little better than they are in my head.
I’m also writing it for our family as many of them love us and our kids,
and have a true interest in some of the decisions we make and why. This is going to come from my perspective,
but please know that both Ken and I worked on this post together!
So here
goes……have you ever known in your heart and soul that something you were doing
for your family just wasn’t working? I
mean, really the kind of not working that makes you wonder if you’re making a
colossal mistake that could have far reaching consequences? That’s
how I’ve been living for the last few years, wondering if what we were doing
and the path we were on was a giant mistake.
Dropping my sweet babies, who aren’t really babies at all any longer,
off at school each morning, I wonder, is THIS right? Is THIS what we are supposed to be
doing? Is THIS what God has planned for
my family?
Our kids
go to a great school. An “A” rated great
school. Many people try hard to get into
this great school and are unsuccessful.
They would shake their heads at us for even thinking for one instance to
change our kids school- or maybe they would clap their hands because we are
freeing up more room for their kids. Who
knows, but I bet they would probably be shocked if they heard me say what I’m
about to say: We left a GREAT school, to homeschool. There, I said it. We are going to homeschool our children. I can’t believe I’m writing that out loud,
and really I’m starting to fight back some tears. I’m so darn emotional about this.
Let me
go back a bit, and this is where I might lose a few of you…….. A few years ago(2009 maybe), I had the
pleasure of teaching a doula workshop in the home of a homeschool family. It was a mother-daughter doula workshop, and
was an amazing few days. Seeing as it
was an out of town workshop, I was a guest in the home of the host family. Being part of this family for 4 short days,
impacted what is about to be our future life, probably more than they
know. You see, I saw it…..I saw what I
wanted for my family dynamic. I saw
that it was possible to have children who respected others, who were kind to
others, who understood their parent’s influence in their future. I saw 4 teen and pre-teen siblings that were
kind to each other, that didn’t fight, yet worked together. Not only did I see this family dynamic play
out in this one household, the other participant families in my workshop also
showed me a different way of being.
Thus
began my research and interest in homeschooling. Although this may seem to be a totally rash
decision to some of you, it’s not irrational at all. It was a long process of thinking, praying,
researching, reading, talking to others and more. There are so many reasons TO pull the kids
from traditional school and very few not to. The list of PROS far outweigh the list of
CONS…but really the bottom line is- We believe that this is what’s BEST for our
family at THIS time in our lives. For
us, for now, this just feel right! We have recognized that although our kids went
to an “A” school, it doesn’t matter if we’re all miserable at home.
So here
are a few reasons that we’re making a switch.
I fully recognize that these reasons may not justify our reasoning in
the readers eye…just as some of the decisions that others make I can’t
understand. I know that many people will
support our decision, and many will at a minimum think we’re making a monumental
mistake, or have gone off the deep end. I get it.
Sometimes I worry that we’re making a monumental mistake, those fears are
normal-or so I’m told.
1st- We have realized that we don’t
like what the dynamic of school life does to our family. Eating, breathing, and sleeping school is not
working for us. It works for LOTS of
families, just not ours, right now. When
I say eating/breathing/sleeping school....I mean we wake and talk about school,
in the car-we talk about school, afterwards- we talk about school, then there’s
homework and preparing and talking about the next day at school. Our day from 6am to 8pm literally revolves
around school-most often it’s stressful and not very pleasant. At times, we have yelling parents, crying
kids….just being REAL…this is not working for our family.
I
crave time with my kids that is not about school. I want family time, I want devotional time, I
just want more hang time. I want to
teach my daughter to cook, to clean(yeah, fun I know), to love others. I want
to teach her to strive hard and far for her goals, to set her standards in
academia high, and to really explore what she wants for her future career or
life. I want to teach her that there’s no limit to what she wants to do. I want to teach her to be a lady, to be a
friend and to one day be a woman, wife, mother, and leader-and that’s just the
start. We have such a short amount of time left with
them at home, and I want to cherish these moments and to really teach them
morals and values as well as tools that will help get them through the rest of
their lives. I don’t want to count the
passing days and then wonder where they all went in 10 years. I want to be intentional about what we’re
teaching and why we’re teaching it. I
want my son to know how to wash, dry and fold a load of laundry. I want him to know how to cook, and
clean(yes, fun, I know), and to care for his family. I want him to know what it means to work hard
and to provide for his family, what it means to be a friend to others, what it
means to do work that causes you to sweat a little. I want him to know that he can reach great
things, and can do great things if he sets high goals and works hard. And above all else, I want them to know
LOVE….love of family, love of each other and the Love of God. When we’re on the hamster wheel of school,
there’s just so little time to teach anything else……
I(we) don’t
like what being in school does TO my kids.
I don’t mean I don’t like what they learn….I mean, they are different
people when they are at school, and I don’t like it. Gosh, that sounds horrible, but it’s
true. With that said, let me be honest
and say that our kids peers that they are close to are amazing young
people….and we are thankful to have them in our lives. I hope and pray that we can continue their
relationships, and we will be deeply saddened if those relationships
suffer. BUT, there are so many other
influences within the system that are not positive or productive for growing
character and teaching our kids how to be a productive, caring, kind, generous
adult.
Here’s
an example of what I mean- over Christmas break, we spent a lot of family time
together. We traveled; played games,
worked together, cooked together, watched movies…you know we were a family
together. My kids were actually playing
together, being kind to one another and helping one another; fighting was at a
minimum. They were living and breathing
what we want for our family. Two days
back in school and BAM- nastiness and competitiveness, rivalry, and laziness
emerge. YUCK. The fights started again
and the kids started to regard their sibling as the “evil one.” This
was probably the first time that I felt the- we have to change something voice grow
from a whisper to a scream in my head.
2nd
– Our kids WANT to homeschool.
Seriously. We have had multiple
conversations with them and they really, really want to homeschool. They don’t want the pressures that going to
school has brought. They don’t want the
social pressures (girl drama, need I say more), or other pressures. They were both in 110% agreement that this is
what they wanted to do. We talked for
hours about this decision. We had a
pros/cons meeting with them. We flushed
it out from here to heaven. They want to
do it. They are excited about it. We talked about things they would miss out
on, and they still want to do it. We
have to listen to our children, they are amazing human beings and we respect
their position. We don’t always go along
with their decisions…most of the time we don’t, but right now, for our family,
this just feels right.
3- We
have found a wonderful supplement to help us with academics at home- FLVS. Read- mom doesn’t have to take
on all curriculum planning and teaching responsibilities- there’s help! The Florida Virtual School is just that, a
virtual school. Basically, it’s a school
on the computer; their slogan is any pace, any time, anywhere…or something like
that. Attending virtual school along
with supplemental classes will afford our kids as good of an academic education
as they would have in a brick and mortar school. They will be able to attend college(actually,
they’ll probably be ready to attend before we’re ready for them to), they will
be bright futures eligible, they can even continue to play sports at the local
schools. The research is new for virtual learning as this concept is just
really gaining momentum, but it’s actually been around since the 90s. More and more families are turning to virtual
learning, and the numbers are good. The
statistic that stood out to me most was the AP course test scores. FLVS students
scored higher than public school students on AP level exams. As a wise friend once told me, it’s important
to compare apples to apples..and I believe the AP comparison IS apples to
apples. In addition to the AP statistics, there are many others that support
virtual learning!! To read the entire
flvs tax watch report or to learn about FLVS visit: Florida Tax Watch Report or www.flvs.net
FLVS is
a great program and we are excited to be involved! We took a few courses over the last summer
with great success! The kids learned,
they had highly educated (almost 2/3 with masters or higher) teachers holding
them accountable and available one on one, it worked. Now, as it turns out, that was actually a
learning experience. We learned a lot of
how to NOT homeschool. I learned that my
very type-A personality needs a little routine and structure. I need for the kids to understand the
expectation and for us to allow them the space to meet those expectations. I’m constantly reminded that God knows what
we’re going to do before we’re going to do it, and I’m grateful for the summer
experience to prepare us for today.
4- We
believe in the philosophy of the virtual school. It’s a flipped classroom idea (see Khan 60 Minutes report ). Instead of the idea that teachers present and
then kids go home to practice on their own; actually, kids learn on their own
and THEN teachers enter to tutor and make sure they understand. The philosophy also allows me to be an
interactive parent in their school not a reactive parent. Normally, when one child struggles on say a
history test, I wouldn’t know until afterwards…and it’s too late. With virtual, it’s the opposite. I know what’s going on when it’s going on and
the teacher has done an in depth discussion based assessment to make sure that
the student is ready for the test. When
a child takes a test, there’s NO reason it shouldn’t be a good grade!!
5- To
many it may seem like we are sheltering our kids, honestly, we’re sheltering
our kids. Yes, we are minimizing their
exposure to some risky teen behaviors. Aren’t
we all scared to death of our kids becoming addicted to one substance or
another or contracting a deadly STD? How
about the recent influx of violence in schools, don’t we all just want to keep
our kids safe? Yes, of course. School is different than it was 20 years
ago…the substances are more dangerous, the behaviors riskier, the bullying is
out of control. Yes, we do want to
shelter them, and it’s okay, because, for us, for now, it just feels
right! I don’t want my kids to have to
go to a school where drills for a “potential shooter in the building” take
place. I know that one day I can’t shield them from much
of that and they’ll have to make their own decisions, but for now, I can…..a
little. Who knows if this will backfire-
Lord, I pray that it doesn’t.
6- And
this is not the last reason, but I wanted to finish with it. We are a Christian family. We believe that God wants good things for us
and puts the right people in our path at the right time. We have prayed about this(I understand that
for some prayer is a mute point, but for us, it’s essential to our way of
life), and we feel that for now, for us, this is just right. We feel called and supported in this
decision. We feel we are in line with
God’s Will for our family. For US, for now,
it just feels right.
So, in
closing, we do not believe that what we are going to do is what everyone should
do, to the contrary, We believe it is something that is not right for every
family. We know this is not what is
“normal”, but it is actually becoming more “normal”.
We want
our loved ones to know that we are committed to socializing our kids with their
peers. We commit to making sure they
have plenty of friend time. We know that
if they aren’t in class with friends, they need to be with them outside of
class. We get it, and we take the
challenge. We will make sure they are
involved in all kinds of group, sports, classes and other opportunities!
Are we weird, maybe, but do we love our kids
more than life itself…absolutely. We
want what’s best for them and would never do anything to harm them. They are our lives. We live and breathe each day right now
knowing that they are a true gift from God and we do not take the
responsibility of being their parents lightly.
I can’t tell you what the next year will bring but all I can tell you is
that……
For us, for now, this, homeschooling, just feels
right.
We would
be so grateful for your love and acceptance as we transition. This doesn’t mean we don’t want to hear your
concerns or thoughts. We do. We are learning and working and we believe it
takes a village. Maybe you’ve thought of something for us to ponder that we
haven’t. We invite you to talk to us
about it.
And lastly-We promise to stay the same ole
Harleys…..hopefully a little more patient and friendly with each other,
Harleys. We love you and thank God that
you are in our lives.
To God
Be The Glory.
With
Love,
Ken and
Melissa
